I Can't Go There
by racefh853629
Summary: Calleigh reflects after a tragic loss... post Lost Son.


A/N: Another one-shot, post Lost Son. I don't own anyone or anything, including CSI:Miami, CBS, or "I Can't Go There" by Kenny Chesney, which is where the lyrics at the bottom come from. It's a really short story that kind of came to me while listening to the song, so here it is. I hope you enjoy, and please review. :)

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I Can't Go There

Calleigh sat alone on the pier, overlooking the water. She listened to the waves crashing around her, looking down the sand on her left side to the castles, the sun, and the restaurant of choice of the team. She tossed her long, blonde hair over her shoulders, letting the gentle breeze whip through it as it saw fit. She closed her eyes, inhaling the scent of the salt water and the sand.

Sunset in Miami marked another day without Tim. Another day without him coming into work and amusing everyone in his own way while also keeping this brooding mystique about him. Another day without his expertise in trace analysis. And despite how much potential Ryan had to be a good CSI, things would never be the same without Tim. She opened her eyes, looking silently out over the water. "Oh, Tim," she whispered to herself, the phrase she'd been repeating for the past few weeks.

Calleigh stretched out more on the dock, watching the sun setting with glistening eyes. It was never part of her being, part of her nature, to cry, but she missed Tim that much. They had been close since the day he strolled into the lab and flashed his signature smile. They had an instant connection, and were best friends immediately. Eric, too, cliqued well with them, and with Horatio leading them, it was almost as if no wrong could be done. They were a unit, a family, a team through and through.

That night in the jewelry shop changed the shape of things forever, and Calleigh felt herself growing sadder, more desperate for what used to be. Life was fun with Tim around. Now, the humor was gone, the life sucked out of them almost, and the only thing keeping them going was the fact that crime doesn't care what you're thinking or how you're feeling. They had a job to do, and they were going to do it.

The sky grew darker, shrouding her in the nighttime chill of the stars and the water. She shivered slightly, curling her knees to her chest. The spot she sat in was perfect for thinking and reflecting, two things she found herself doing a lot of lately. She assumed it was normal, given the death of a loved one, to sit back and re-evaluate one's life. Her heart felt heavy under the weight of what had been, and she wrapped her arms around her knees, bringing them even closer as the night grew colder.

The sun disappeared completely behind the horizon, and she still remained. The team had changed a lot, and she was afraid, almost, of what was going to happen now, what things were going to be like. She sighed, resting her chin on her knees. No one could ever replace Tim. No one.

She closed her eyes again, imagining herself back with him, in his comforting arms. He was the first and only person she had found so far that could read her like an open book. He could tell her emotions, and knew exactly what to do or say to make her feel better. He could always tell what she was thinking, and that used to bug her, but now she wished that he were back, using his intuition and knowledge of her to his advantage.

The thing that hit her hardest was the emptiness. She had lost before, but not someone like him. Her mind, body, and soul ached to have him back with her, but that wasn't about to happen. He was gone, dead, off this earth. It felt as if a part of her had died with him, and as she sat alone under the stars, she felt his lack of presence even more.

She heard the footsteps approaching behind her, and she closed her eyes, knowing immediately who they belonged to just by the tone and volume. She sighed softly, not turning as she heard the man sit down beside her. She looked over at him, seeing him in as much pain as she felt right now. That was the effect losing Tim Speedle had on everyone.

"Hey," he said softly, his voice wavering with emotion. She gave him a glimmer of a smile in response.

"Hi," she replied, her voice almost inaudible under the sound of the waves and the wind. He said nothing, taking off his jacket and putting it around her shoulders. The natural gentleman. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." Both fell silent again, looking out over the water. "How are you holding up?" he asked her quietly. She shrugged.

"I don't know," she told him honestly. "You?"

"About the same." She nodded, looking at him.

"It hurts."

"Yeah, it does." He looked over at her sadly. "It's like losing a brother." She smiled slightly, nodding.

"Something like that." Eric took her hand in his, squeezing it gently as they looked out over the water again.

_When the sun shines,  
__When it rains  
__Christmas parties  
__Football games  
__Winter, summer,  
__Fall or spring  
__I see you in everything_


End file.
